Barry and Cathy essentially explained to us how polyamory is the thing we do in many different situations: as they would call it, you ‘juggle’ friends, colleagues and so on, and with polyamory, you also juggle partners; it’s not that different. They spoke to us about the polyamory networks they have founded and joined, and explained that polyamory sometimes is misunderstood due to the spastic approach of sexuality; although sex is of course not a part of every polyamorous relationship, it has a great deal of influence on the stereotypes surrounding polyamory, such as ‘orgy’-like ones, while polyamory is also about love. Barry and Cathy answered some difficult questions about how to make a polyamorous relationship work and stressed the importance of keeping your partner’s ‘love tank’ full in order to fully enjoy your polyamorous relationship. Moreover, they explained that every poly person makes it work in their own way, resulting in many different approaches: as Barry’s paper is called, ‘There’s No Such Thing As Polyamory’!
If we can say something about poliamory, in the end, is that it’s all about self-detemination, a concept the Barry and Cathy have stressed more than once during the workshop. Being polyamory first of all means to distance oneself from the set of rules that society gives us about love and relationship; it’s deciding to call them into question, and, mostly, to question the self on if you fit the model we are given. It’s about making up our own rules on how love works for ourselves. And not always alone, but also in cooperation with your partner. So if you want polymory to be something, it’s a call to action to re-take ownership over the way we love and we are loved.
– Myrte & Martina